Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
