i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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