After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
