I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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