I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
