Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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