i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
