why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
