No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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