You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
