So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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