:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
