Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
