just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
