Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
