Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
