God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
