Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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