I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
