Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
