I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
