So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Someone signed my nipple.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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