just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
