More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
