My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
