just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
