Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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