Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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