Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
