remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My breasts were aching with rage.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
