i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
