just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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