the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
