you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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