gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
