I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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