You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
