i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
