I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
