glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
