I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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