dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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