Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
