whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
