I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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