Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
