Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
do nipples grow back?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
