I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
