it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
