He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
