I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
