Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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