only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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