Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
