so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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