i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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