why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
