I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
