I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
