I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
