A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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