you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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