im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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