Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
