the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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