He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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