Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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