i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
